How does forgiveness or not tie into our health? As used in this blog, I will define health as having five components 1) absence of acute disease or sickness, 2)having a sense of well-being, 3) having a sense of self-worth, 4)having meaning and purpose in life, 5)having enough energy to do the things that one needs to do and/or wants to do. Whether one decides to forgive or not will influence one’s health. How does forgiveness tie to health?

Healthy people make a conscious decision to forgive self and others. This decision is made over and over again throughout our life, especially when something happening in our lives or thoughts triggers our hurt or sense of injustice . What exactly is forgiveness? Forgiveness is 1)a learned behavior–a process that is needed to be learned; 2)forgiveness is a decision made by the one forgiving; 3)forgiveness is the process of making a conscious decision of letting go of resentments, grudges, bitterness, need for vengeance when person feels they have suffered a considerable injustice/hurt/insult. Resentments, for example, might include having persistent displeasure, anger, or ill will at someone for something they have said or done that they feel is mean, unjust or an insult. A grudge can be an on-going, deep seated ill will toward a person. Bitterness includes a very sharp displeasure and or contempt that is relentless, harsh ill will. An example of vengeance would include a desire for revenge, retribution, and/or a desire to get even.

I would like to define two aspects of forgiveness–forgiveness of others and forgiveness of self. Forgiveness of others includes the forgoing of resentments, grudges, bitterness, vengeance by the by the one who feels hurt (victim) toward the offender. Forgiveness of self is a engaging in stopping self resentment toward self in acknowledging of wrong doing, yet fostering compassion and love for self. why is forgiveness of self relatively more important as a health outcome? There are several reasons: forgiveness of self promotes health in that it helps to feel good about ourselves. Feeling good about oneself helps to 1)increase self-worth; 2) increase meaning and purpose in life and 3) increase energy.

What then is the process of forgiveness? The process of forgiveness is a two-step process: 1) grieving and 2) letting go. The first process, of grieving, has about 7 steps that are not linear, but that one moves back and forth in, is not easy, takes a lot of time and energy–one needs to be gentle with self. The seven process of grieving, although not inclusive, would include 1)Acknowledge that you have been hurt, still upset; 2)feel all your feelings (such as anger, resentments, hurt, trauma) in all its original pain–not indefinitely, though, you have for self or offender; 4) make a decision to forgive: state I make a decision to forgive; 5)Think about, pray about and or analyze the resentments, grudges, bitterness, or any vengeance you have toward self and/or offender; 6) talk, to a good friend or confidant–one that does not judge, tells it like it is, is a good listener and helps you to sort things out, without giving advice or reprimand; 7)make use of rituals such as writing letters, writing in journal that only you see. Use of meditation or guided imagery can be helpful. The second step in the process of forgiveness is Letting go.

Letting go consist of two distinct parts. part one of letting go relates to offender and the second part relates to self. Letting go relating to the offender consists of 1)release of all anger, hurt, hostility, resentments, bitterness, grudges that you hold for the offender. Release of all negative emotions toward brings forth positive self care and initiates love for self. 2) Recognize (do not deny) the other person’s responsibility in hurting you. You are not expected to excuse or forget and payment may be indeed necessary for any damages to self or property. Letting go steps relating to the self doing the forgiveness would include 1) Recognize that there may not be a reconciliation and that there is no need to have contact with the offender. 2) Do not minimize the wrong–may need to acknowledge if you need to be a better advocate for yourself–to stand up for yourself. 3) Be mindful and focus on the goodness of the people in your life and thank them. 4) Show loving kindness to yourself by calling to mind someone in your life that has shown you unconditional loving kindness. Bask in these feelings to be loved. Allow your heart to be held in love. Now bring these loving kindness thoughts to yourself. Stay with these loving thoughts to yourself.

Well, what if the decision is made to not forgive or one is unable to forgive. A string of actions can be set into motion such as the activation of the flight/fight system that leads to increased stress and anxiety. These actions can lead to: 1) decrease in physical health (decreased energy, decrease in sleep, eating too much, too little, eating not healthy foods); 2) decreased emotional stability (decreased ability to love self, feeling more sadness, chronic sorrow, or not attending to sorrow and grief); 3) decreased cognitive functioning ( such as decreased focus, decreased problem solving or decreased decision making); 4) decreased sense of spiritual well-being. Therefore, health consequences of the lack of forgiveness may be through the increased level of increased level of negative emotions.

There is a need to be aware of conditional forgiveness. Conditional forgiveness is making a decision to forgive if and only when persons states that they are sorry and promises to never do the wrong again. Conditional forgiveness has health consequences too, because the injured person has not made a decision to go through the process of forgiveness and is dependent on the other persons contriteness and promises.

THE TEN HEALTH BENEFITS OF FORGIVENESS

The process of forgiveness benefits health by:

1. Gets you out of the angry mode, out of the fight or flight mode; dampens stress–lowers blood pressure, can sleep better; have improved physical health and a sense of well-being, have a sense of more energy to do things that you need or want to do.
2. Lowers stress levels and chronic or unattended sorrow or sadness.
3. Decreases inner pain.
4. Helps us to love and respect self more.
5. Helps us develop more friendships in our lives–more trust in self–the more trust in others and trust self more to engage in social activities with others.
6. Lowers the risk of abuse such as alcohol, medication to lower pain.
7. Helps us with reducing the negative emotions of tension, anger, sorrow and sadness, fatigue–forgiveness lowers chronic high levels of cortisol and helps strengthen the immune system.
8. Helps to replace a sense of sorrow/sadness/grief with a sense of compassion for self and others and purpose in life.
9. Helps us to live a more healthy life style.
10. Helps us to be more pleasant and more comfortable being around other people, decreasing isolation and prooting socialization.